Layla Part II

Layla told me today that relapse during recovery was an inevitable truth, a basic part of the disease I carry. SO, I shouldn't blame myself for any unpredictable "mistakes". How do I explain this to my parents? Will she just nod her head but inside be sweating with frustration? Should I tell her now or wait for a "moment"? Am I dont waiting for these moments though? Isn't that what got me into this point of distress in the first place? When I lose sight of my words and thoughts, will my disease take over again? Will this cycle ever stop?

I can feel the Celexa working now.

When you truly love someone, you will try to protect them no matter what the circumstances. Sometimes with your own dignity and pride on the line, you will protect the ones you love. Humans are bless (or cursed) with the ability to do this. But the extent that a parent goes for their child.... it's inexplicable. Miraculous, even.

Maybe burdens are meant to be shared. Maybe I have been wandering for too long alone, hoping to find a savior to diminish my problems... but that kind of waiting won't make the pain go away. I have always been a person of action, but why is it so hard to ask for help when I truly need it? When my life depends on it?

I need to learn to love and live again. Going through the process of refeeding and renourishment is only the beginning part of the picture.

Yale, let your light shine.