Recap with my ED therapist

11.2.2009

Wow it's already November... (Can't wait for Christmas!)

This week with Layla, we went through pros & cons of my eating disorder. We also talked about the return of my dad and the impact that would have on my recovery. Altos, we discovered that many of my listed cons are also acting as pros that actually drove my anorexia. 

I encourage all of you who are dealing with an ED to make a list. It can be a simple table that lists the Pros and the Cons of what your sickness is doing to you. How is it a separate entity and how is it sneaking its what into your daily life? 

Trust me, we all (healthy or not) have demons. Some people are born with physical impairments (deaf, blind...), some people have early balding, some people stutter, some people have major problems with food...  Your pros/cons list can be personal and will be unique. Try it out, you might write things out that you never even knew you felt or thought. Then try to go through your cons and see if maybe in some twisted way, you used something that you know is obviously "bad" for you because it made you more thin, or more cool, or more attractive, or more desirable... etc.

Anyways, I'm excited to spend more time with my friends as I discover more similarities and dissimilarities between myself and the people I call my friends. Alcohol seems to be a driving force in my social life and that really can't be a replacement for me eating disorder. But I need to find ways to distract me and grange the way I see my anorexia. My "pros" list must be replaced with a healthier alternative. Reading? Yoga? Meditation? Anything... I guess I'm willing to try anything at this point.